Fictional Reality: Loki's Vacation
by House Sparrow
Summary: Piper is interfering in the Avengers movie and decides that Loki is innocent and deserves a vacation. How will her flatmates in 221B react? (After Wholock Distraction)
1. Chapter 1

I was busy with a new dimension, causing me to be gone quite a bit over the past few days. However, at the moment I was relaxing at 221B, my current place of residence, with Sherlock, John, and Mrs. Hudson. They didn't know that I was interfering in the 2012 _Avengers_ movie, as it didn't usually matter where I was currently. This time, though, things were different. As often happens, reality wasn't quite the same as the fiction. A question had been burning a hole in my gut, but only Sherlock noticed. It was almost time for the battle at New York, and I needed to ask now. I cleared my throat. "It's almost time for me to leave again," I said. John and Mrs. Hudson wished me good luck and safety. Sherlock was waiting to hear what I had yet to say.

"Mrs. Hudson?" I addressed our kind landlady. "I was wondering if a friend in need could relax here for awhile." She was taken aback. It took her a second to respond.

"I trust your judgement," she said hesitantly.

"Thank you. I really do appreciate your trust!" And then I was gone, back into battle.

・ ・ ・

I materialized over Loki, hands up to stop the Hulk's fist from pummeling the Frost Giant/Asgardian farther into the crater of Tony Stark's floor. As the giant green fist connected, I channeled suppressing power into the Hulk, causing him to revert to Bruce Banner and collapse on the floor. I turned to the god of mischief and held out my hand, so as to help him up. He was too dazed to notice the gesture.

_I'm missing something here. _I smacked my forehead. "I almost forgot about the scepter!" Banner was just rising to his feet when he noticed me reach for the shining shaft. "No!" he yelled, misunderstanding my intentions. Thankfully, he was too weak to attempt stopping me.

The air hummed between myself and the symbol of so much destruction. The scepter seemed to sense my intentions, or perhaps its master knew that he was about to lose. There was a flash of two opposing magical forces colliding as I wrapped my fingers around the cool metal. A battle of the eternities was fought in under a second, the wavering Dimensional Balance stabilized in the blink of an eye. Good again conquered evil, but not without difficulty. Like the death throes of a dying beast, the last of the opposing power was packed into one jolt that threw me against the wall, leaving a crater much like the one Loki was still lying in. However, I had won; the evil scepter was now split in two, reduced to nothing more than a relic. The psychic link controlling Loki was broken.

I stood up slowly, rolling my shoulders and kneading my back. My muscles were on fire, my bones felt jellified, my power was nearly drained, and I felt a massive headache coming on. As I walked back towards Loki, the rest of the Avengers and Nick Fury arrived. I barely had time to see that Loki was unconscious before three guns (Black Widow yielded two), a shield, a readied bow, some kind of super-advanced laser beam-equipped metal hand, and Banner's very confused expression were aimed at me.

I carefully raised my hands in surrender, trying not to wince at the pain, as Thor ran to his adopted brother's side. "What did you do, mortal?" he demanded, cradling Loki's limp form. I sighed. _Pretentious Asgardians._

"I know you're looking at me, but your words address Banner," I replied coolly as possible.

"I do not understand what you say. Explain!" he bellowed.

"Simply put, the crater is not my fault. That was the Hulk's doing, whom your words, but not your intentions, addressed. You see, I am no mortal. I do, however, claim credit for your brother's unconsciousness." Said brother awoke with a start and began to weep silently into Thor's shoulder. Thor soothingly stroked Loki's raven black hair while glaring at me with the full anger of the legendary thunder god.

"What did you do?" he repeated. It was more of a growl than anything. The other Avengers began to fidget as the air became charged with electricity. A full-blown Norse storm was going to start if I didn't explain soon.

"I broke the psychic link between Loki and the Other. He will no longer be compelled to wreak havoc," I said. Loki shivered.

"What do you mean by 'compelled'?" Fury demanded. I shrunk back. That man intimidated everyone, and I was no exception.

"He was basically mind-controlled," I explained. "If Thor doesn't mind, I would like to take Loki with me for awhile, to a place where he can recover," I finished sheepishly.

"Not a chance," Fury growled. "This man is a criminal. He will be detained by S.H.I.E.L.D., as will you. Captain America, Hawk Eye, restrain her. Knock her out; we don't know what she's capable of," he barked.

Loki sprang up as Captain America and Hawk Eye ran to attempt catching me before I could form a plan. "No!" he shouted. Fury shot at him without a moment's hesitation. I tackled Loki to the ground, taking the bullet myself, as I used the last of my power to take us to 221B.

・ ・ ・

The girl and I collapsed on the floor of what appeared to be a sitting room. We teleported mid-fall, and I didn't appreciate being jostled around any further; that green mutant had left me feeling quite sore. An elderly woman jumped out of a chair and shrieked at our entrance. Two men ran forward to help the girl up and into a wooden chair. She sat sideways in the chair as the shorter man immediately began to cut open her shirt and examine the bullet wound on her back. I carefully stood up and took in my surroundings, wondering who the girl was that could teleport, break psychic bonds, and care about myself.

The elderly woman was still screaming. Unlike the men, she didn't seem accustomed to such bloody appearances. "Mrs. Hudson, calm down," the taller man said coolly.

"Why don't you go downstairs and pick up a good novel?" the girl suggested to the woman, Mrs. Hudson apparently. She sounded weak and in pain, but she was trying to hide it for the sake of the older woman. She then turned toward myself, the shorter man protesting as he tried to examine her wound. "Take a seat. This should only take a moment."

The taller man sidled over to the girl, trying to examine her wound for himself. He didn't seem comfortable with the other man caring for her. "I can remove the bullet," he stated as I eased myself into one of the comfortable chairs, trying to figure out the best possible exit. I was too weak to do much of anything at the moment, but if the situation turned dire, I needed to be ready.

"Sherlock, dear, I would prefer if John handled this one," the girl insisted. "He's a trained surgeon, and you have yet to master metal-bending." I was quickly doubting my trust of the girl, turning instead to the idea that this group was an extension of the mortals that were fighting me before, the scene with Thor and that leader being nothing but a show to trick me. _What is this 'metal-bending'?_ I needed to know the capabilities of this group before I planned a decent escape.

"And please don't psychoanalyze our guest," the girl added. I heard the scrape of one of the chairs on the floor, presumably the taller man, Sherlock, pulling a chair up to ensure that the shorter man, John, did his job correctly. There were little pinking sounds, which I assumed to be removed shrapnel dropped into a dish. I was glad the chair I was sitting in was facing the other direction. Even if these people were enemies, I was too squeamish to watch.

"Please stay still," John said worriedly. "The bullet did some real damage. It could have pierced your heart."

A few minutes later, "Sherlock, would you get me a clean shirt, please?" The surgery must be over. I sat more attentively, waiting for the group's attention to turn to myself. Sherlock helped the girl limp over to the chair opposite myself. She seemed to be honestly hurt, but I wasn't sure if what John had been saying was a just another trick to have me bring my guard down. I clasped my hands in my lap, watching the girl out of the corner of my eye.

"I'll make dinner," Sherlock said. "How does spaghetti sound?"

"You know it's my favorite!" the girl replied, smiling.

"Piper, do you want some chocolate milk?" John asked the girl as pots were banged around in the kitchen.

"Of course!" Piper shouted. For how powerful I was guessing her to be, she seemed as easily excited as a child. "Get a glass for Loki, too," she said. John stared at me. He didn't have a chance to look at me before, and his expression said that he wasn't warned about me ahead of time.

"You brought _Loki_ here?" John exclaimed.

"Yup," Piper responded nonchalantly. I began to wonder at the cohesiveness of this group. Like their friends earlier, their weakness seemed to lay in communication. I took note of this for later.

"_Loki_, the enemy of Thor?" I shifted uncomfortably. I still wasn't sure about my relationship with my brother.

"Not enemy, adopted brother."

"You mean the villain that killed thousands and tried to enslave the human race?" I winced. _Not entirely my fault._

Piper glared. It seemed John had crossed a line. By a lot. "I mean Loki, the man who was taken advantage of by an evil force. Whose heritage was hidden from him until recently," she said with such coldness that John froze in fear and I tried to sink into my seat. "He is the god of mischief and crafty words, not chaos and destruction." _Why is she defending me? _"And," she continued, enunciating every syllable, "he did not kill a single person." I stared at Piper, shocked, as did John and Sherlock.

"So," she said jovially. _WHAT? _"Where's our chocolate milk?" If her outburst wasn't frightening enough, her sudden change in attitude was. This girl was definitely the one I needed to watch out for.

John handed us both glasses with some kind of brown fluid in it. It was thicker than water, but not by much. My glass had a green straw in it, _haha_, and Piper's had some kind of twisted, twirled, sparkly contraption that seemed to be a straw. Piper saw me staring confusedly at the beverage. "Loki?" she said carefully. "Is everything alright?" She _seemed_ genuinely concerned. Her worried eyes deserved an honest response, and I wasn't about to set her off like John did.

"What is chocolate milk?"

She paused a second, thinking how to explain. "Honestly, it's liquid from the mammary glands of cows that is pasteurized, enhanced with vitamins, and mixed with cocoa powder and sugar." I kept my expression carefully blank. _Mortals drink this stuff? Is it even safe?. _"And it's delicious!" she added quickly, seeing my confusion. She gave me a warm smile and began to sip the mysterious liquid like it was a treat. Tentatively, I took a sip. _It's actually good._ I proceeded to suck down the liquid gold, reveling in the simple but divine flavor and the silky texture. Piper seemed pleased that I shared her delight.

"She swears chocolate milk has magical properties," John said, rolling his eyes. He was now on the couch, apparently amused by our simple joy. I raised an eyebrow. _Could something already so amazing have additional benefits?_

"It's all in her head," Sherlock added from the kitchen. _Apparently not. _I looked at Piper curiously.

She set her glass down and sighed, suddenly serious. "Look, I need something to be happy about," she said soberly. "By finding joy in simple things, I can distract myself from the horrible acts I've committed." She picked her glass back up and sipped her treat in silence.

"She's also bipolar, especially after days like this," Sherlock said, coming over with a can that read 'whipped cream'. He filled our cups to the top with a fluffy white substance that Piper eagerly mixed into her remaining chocolate milk. _Indeed,_ I thought, copying her and discovering that 'whipped cream' was a delightful cloud of sweetness.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up at my usual time and rolled over, opening my eyes to find Sherlock laying on the bed next to me. What the heck! I had gone to be early, tired and sore from the day's events, leaving the sleeping arrangements up to the men. I never expected to wake up to find Sherlock next to me. He lay on his back, hands folded on his chest, eyes closed. But not asleep.

"Sherlock?" I asked.

"Hm?"

"What are you doing?" I said carefully.

"Meditating," he replied without so much as opening his eyes. _Weirdo_, I thought. _Well, at least he's on top of the covers._

I sat up. "You didn't sleep at all, did you?" I asked.

"No." I could already tell that it was going to be a long day.

I headed toward the bathroom, an outfit in my hands. I was _not _changing in front of Sherlock. I stopped when I saw Loki lying on the futon. _Wow, _I thought. _For being an expert at deceit, Loki is horrible at pretending to sleep._

Sherlock stuck his head out of my bedroom. "No exercises this morning. You're weak and your shoulder has yet to heal. Go back to bed." I curled up in one of the fluffy chairs. He glanced at Loki, who hadn't moved. "Out here?" he said, distrustful of the quiet god. Sherlock could tell he was faking, too.

"Yes."

"Then turn into a cat."

"No. Like you said, I'm too weak."

He sighed and closed the door, returning to his meditation. I could tell he was upset. _That's what you get for sneaking into my bed! _"You should get some sleep, too, Loki," I said. "Things can get hectic around here without warning."

・ ・ ・

She woke up when John left his room. I sat up at the same time as her. There was no point in faking anymore. "When did you come out here?" John asked Piper. He glanced at me nervously, concerned like his friend.

"When Sherlock kicked me out of bed."

"He kicked you out of bed?"

Sherlock walked out of the other bedroom. "No."

"Yes you did!"

"No, I didn't."

She stuck her tongue out at him. When she turned to look at me, she sighed. I still hadn't slept, and this seemed to worry her. She stretched and headed into the kitchen. "Loki, do you like pancakes?" _What are pancakes?_

"You had a long day yesterday, Piper. You need something with more nutrition." Apparently, the presence of a mischievous god made Sherlock feel protective. It didn't seem like Piper was used to the concern.

"Fine. I'll make scrambled eggs, too. John, can you cut up some strawberries for the pancakes? Loki, please fold up the futon and sit at the table. Breakfast will be ready soon."

I stood up and tried to figure out the mortal contraption. John had opened it so simply. _How far have I fallen? _I felt rather pathetic, and feeling Sherlock's cold stare didn't help.

It was several minutes before I figured the futon out and sat at the table across from the judgmental mortal. The mysterious woman talked over her shoulder. "By the way, where do you think you are?" _What kind of question is that? Is this a trick?_

"Obvious," Sherlock answered without taking his calculating eyes off me. "He believes that we are government officials and this is a branch of the organization that fought him."

"What did I say about psychoanalyzing Loki?" Piper said.

"That wasn't psychoanalyzing, but if you like," he smiled cruelly. "I can tell you about his PTSD, or his troubled childhood, or his daddy—" He paused and turned to look at the woman. "What was that for?" he asked, egg yolk dripping from his hair. John turned around and stared, fear developing in his features.

"You need a shower," Piper said without turning away from her cooking. I understood John's fear. This woman was unpredictable.

"Do you need some chocolate milk?" John asked her warily as Sherlock headed toward the bathroom.

"Nope."

"Are you sure?"

"Yup."

"But you're upset enough to have ruined Sherlock's hair. You love his hair."

"He needs to learn that guests are treated with kindness."

When Sherlock emerged from the shower, Piper served breakfast. My pancakes, as I assumed the round bread was, were smothered in a stick substance and whipped cream. I almost smiled. Mortals can't cook like Asgardians, but I discovered last night that whipped cream is worthy of gods. As we ate, Piper kept stealing bits of whipped cream from Sherlock. When she finally stole a strawberry, he cracked.

"Will you cut that out?"

"Nah," she said through a mouth full of pancake.

"Wasn't egging me enough?"

"Nope."

"What do I have to do to make it up to you?"

She swallowed. "Pull out your phone." A small, shiny device emerged from his pocket. "Point to it and repeat what I say in that voice you use to explain things like people are slow." He raised an eyebrow. _What's going on?_ "Say, 'this is my crimey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff.'"

He shook his head. "No." _Is this some kind of mortal punishment?_

"Fine." She stole an entire pancake.

Sherlock sighed, then put on a condescending face. "This is my crimey-wimey detector," he said, enunciating every syllable. "It goes 'ding' when there's stuff." John laughed, and Piper fell backwards in her chair. Even I couldn't help but smile. That was embarrassing. Sherlock's face quickly transformed into a glare.

"Is that a fandom thing?" John asked.

"Yup. I have friends that would pay to see that," she replied. When she sat up, I saw that her cheeks were flushed and tears were streaming down her face. _She definitely enjoyed that. _She rubbed the tears out of her eyes and turned to me. "I almost forgot. You aren't a prisoner or anything. We aren't government officials. You're on vacation, in a different dimension where S.H.I.E.L.D. can't find you."

"What?" _Vacation?_

"I'm the Keeper of the Universal Balance."

"Meaning?"

"Oden didn't tell you? I know he knows who I am. The pretentious Asgardian probably just didn't want to admit that there's someone more powerful than him." _What? _"No offense."

"None taken."

"It's difficult to explain, but basically, I'm your friend. That should be good enough for now."

"When are you going to explain everything to Oden and Fury?" John asked.

"Maybe tomorrow."

"So what are we doing today?"

"Shopping!"

"He can't leave the house looking like he does," Sherlock stated.

"He's going to borrow some clothes." She smiled devilishly. "And John's too short, so . . . ." Sherlock frowned. I suppressed a laugh. It seemed my tormentor's punishment had yet to cease. _Wait, I have to wear mortal clothes?_


	3. Chapter 3

John, Sherlock, and I were standing outside the changing room, waiting for Loki to emerge with the first look we put together.

"Come on, L, it doesn't take that long to get dressed!" John shouted impatiently.

"Mortal clothing is strange!" Loki called back. "And stop calling me that." Clothes shopping brought out the sass in him; he was no longer acting like a kicked puppy.

"I told you, we're going to call you L in public," I replied.

"Unless your people have nicknames," John added.

"Hurry up, I'm bored," Sherlock said.

Loki emerged from the changing room looking dejected. "I still don't see why I have to wear these ridiculous clothes," he muttered. It wasn't ridiculous; it was just jeans and a t-shirt. Sherlock didn't really understand the whole 'shopping for a friend's new look' thing.

"If you're going to be around humans, you have to dress like one. I like leather and tunics as much as the next girl, probably more, but people will look at you weird," I said. This didn't seem to help. "Look," I said sternly. "If I can do it, so can you. Do you really think that I wouldn't rather be wearing something else?"

"That doesn't count," Sherlock interjected. "You were raised human."

"And you were born one, but look at you," I replied. John chuckled.

"You said Sherlock was 'born human,'" Loki said, eyebrow raised.

I waved him off. "We'll explain later. Try on John's look next."

When he emerged, I laughed. "John, you're such a nerd!"

"What?"

"He looks like a cross between Sherlock and the Doctor!"

"So?"

I face-palmed. "It's a good look, but only one long coat per group."

"What do you mean?"

"Remember the Doctor in his tenth regeneration and Captain Harkness? They looked weird next to each other because of the coats. It was too much."

"I keep the coat," Sherlock stated.

"Don't I get a say?" Loki asked.

"Not on this one, go try on something else," I replied. I turned to Sherlock. "You had the look first."

"Can't I try on those leather jackets we saw earlier?"

"No, you're not a biker."

"A what?"

"A scary person with a beard that rides one of those contraptions you saw in the window next to the jackets." He sighed and turned to go back into the dressing room. "Wait! John, show him how to use buttons."


	4. Chapter 4

We were in the sitting room, Sherlock and I curled up on the futon, John in one of the chairs, staring at Loki, and Loki in the other chair, poking his now fluffy hair. Several bags of clothes sat in the corner.

"You're going to ruin your hair," I told him.

"I don't see why we had to change it," he replied dejectedly.

"It was weird," Sherlock said.

"And this hairstyle matches your new casually-classic wardrobe," John added. I sighed. _And you wonder why your sexuality is questioned. _Sherlock gave me a knowing look.

"Are you going to explain now?" Loki asked me.

"Well, it's all very complicated," I said sheepishly.

"Stop stalling."

I put up my hands. "Fine, fine." I turned to Sherlock. "Should I use the bubbles?"

"Boring."

I rolled my eyes. "I'll try something different." I walked into my bedroom and grabbed some clay from my rarely-used art trunk. Using Avatar powers, I began to form the clay to show a story. First, there was a comic book. "To begin, you are fictional. Loki is originally from Norse mythology. He was later adapted to comic books, then television shows, and eventually the movie where you are from."

"Movie?" Loki asked.

"A play that is recorded and replayed on a magic box," John explained.

"What do you mean by 'fictional'? I am perfectly real. I stand before you right now! How is that not real?"

"I didn't say that you aren't real; I said that you are fictional. The Universe is made of many dimensions, all of which are born from the imaginations of people in my dimension." A figure stood up from the 'comic book.' "When the people of my dimension become emotionally involved in a work of fiction, it becomes reality in a separate dimension. You are as real as I am, but you, John, and Sherlock exist as fictional characters in my dimension."

"I think I get it."

"Good."

"But there's more, correct?"

"Yes. There is a Balance of good and evil in the Universe, which is dependent on the Dimensional Balances, which are mostly dependent on the lives of the main characters of the fiction. Sometimes the Balance of a dimension becomes skewed, generally negatively." More figures emerged from the 'comic book' and began to fight.

"This actually happens quite often," Sherlock interrupted.

"Not when you consider the number of dimensions," I replied. "Anyway, when that happens, whether because the reality does not follow the intended plot, or because the intended plot is unbalanced, I interfere." Another figure appeared and stopped the fighting.

"Do you mean to say that you are a higher being than Asgardians?" Loki asked suspiciously.

"Yes. You are inferior to us."

I flicked Sherlock in the forehead. "No. I believe that we are all equal and serve equal roles. People of my dimension create you, you create the balance, and I maintain it."

"So my condition was detrimental to the Balance."

"No." Sherlock stood, walked over to Loki, and peered down intimidatingly at him. "Piper interfered because she has yet to learn to control her sympathy. Your 'condition,'" he quoted sarcastically. "Was meant to happen."

I strode over and jabbed my finger into Sherlock's back. He collapsed on the floor, paralyzed.

"That never gets old," John commented.

I ignored him. "What Sherlock means to say is that the actions of the Other and yourself were necessary in order to bring about the Avengers, who are necessary to the Dimensional Balance. However, I hate violence, and I sympathize with you. It was not necessary for all of those people to die, only for everyone to think they did during the battle, so I saved them. Your imprisonment and punishment were also unnecessary, so I saw no need in allowing you to suffer. There is no reason for me not to create a happy ending if no harm is done." I rubbed a pain in my shoulder, where I had been shot. It was still sore. I didn't really have the strength to have paralyzed Sherlock, or play with the clay, for that matter. "Though it is a real drain on me," I added.

"I see. Sherlock keeps implying that he is not a mortal. What is he?"

John looked at me, wondering how I would answer. I scratched my head. "Well, Sherlock is an idiot. He didn't listen to me one day, and it caused him to become mortally wounded. I poured my blood, power, and soul into him in an attempt to save his life. I usually just make people disappear or remove the threat to save them. Saving a dying person is really difficult. Anyway, so much of me was in him that his body physically changed, mostly on the genetic level, to become like my own. Most of what I can do, he can do."

"Like metal-bending?"

"Yes."

"What is that?"

"Moving and forming metal solely through one's own power and abilities. It is quite a useful ability when it comes to removing bullets and shrapnel."

"And John?"

"I'm just an average human."

"He is human, but too modest. It takes someone extraordinary to tolerate this buffoon." I poked Sherlock with my foot.

"Are you going to undo his paralysis?"

I smiled. "Maybe later." Keeping him like that was a drain, but totally worth it.


	5. Chapter 5

I knocked on the door of Tony Stark's amazing beach house.

"Pepper, we don't have any visitors scheduled, do we?" I heard Stark say.

"No. The only guest we expect today is Bruce, and he's already here," was Potts's response.

"It is the girl that was with Loki, sir," Jarvis answered. _Great. Jarvis recognizes me. Is Stark really going to let me in now?_

"Then let her in!" _Apparently so._ _Wait, did Jarvis call me a 'girl'? I'm in my twenties! _The door clicked, presumably unlocking. "It's open!" I walked through the door and was immediately bombarded with technology. I could feel all of the different wireless signals being sent across the house and hear the whirr of numerous computers. "Would you care for a drink? I have the world's best everything here," Stark called from the bar.

"Why did you let her in?" Potts asked, mostly to herself.

"I don't drink, but I do need to sit down." _Alcohol probably doesn't affect me anyway. _I lowered myself onto the couch, on the opposite end from Pepper Potts. I pressed my fingers to my temples. "How can you stand all of this technology? All of the whirring and signals are giving me a headache."

"The wireless signals and computer sounds can't be detected by human senses," Banner replied simply.

"Thank you, Dr. Banner!" I exclaimed, turning into human form. I sighed. "That's better. I never should have listened to the guys. 'Go in vampire form,' they said. 'You never know what humans are capable of,' Loki said. And what do I get for listening to them? A headache."

"Did you just come here to rattle on about nonsense?" Stark said, a drink in hand.

I shook my head. "I just have a bad habit of rambling sometimes, especially in the presence of childhood heroes."

"Tony hasn't been Iron Man all that long, and I am hardly considered a hero," Banner noted.

"Aw, come on Bruce! A nonsensical compliment from the enemy is still a compliment!" Stark chastised.

"I'm not an enemy!" _Wow, maybe I should have waited until I had a real plan and explanation._

"You helped Loki escape from S.H.I.E.L.D., which Bruce and Tony are associated with."

"Look, I'm here because I need help explaining everything to Fury. I figured that you three would be most likely to help. After I explain things to Fury, he can help me explain things to Thor, who will help me explain everything to Oden."

Stark pulled a screen up in front of him. "Great plan, but can you explain everything to _us_ in under two minutes?"

"Two minutes?"

"Fury's on his way, now."

"How does he know where I am? Jarvis didn't tell him."

"You have a unique energy signature that Tony and I discovered. S.H.I.E.L.D. has a system set up to detect it."

"Really? Even in human form?" Stark nodded, looking at a bunch of data. It made no sense to me, so I decided to look at his aura to see his interpretation of it.

"It just spiked." _As I looked at his aura. _"It spiked when you changed from vampire to human, too. That's pretty awesome, by the way!" _This sucks! I definitely should have come when I was stronger. I never notice anything when I'm weak like this. _"It's quite a bit weaker than it was the other day." _And now they know they have the advantage in a fight. And if they know, Fury knows._ "Whatever you did must have really been a drain." _Yeah, you know, saving New York isn't really a simple thing. Wait, he _does _know. Why am I rambling? Why must my power be so linked to my attentive abilities?_

I sighed. "We might as well wait for Fury outside. Otherwise, he'll probably break through your windows."

"He would," Potts commented.

We walked outside, Stark taking the screen with him. "I don't understand how this works. Energy signature?"

"You emit a unique wavelength of energy that no other organism is known to emit," Banner answered.

"How can you detect that?" He was about to explain when Sherlock appeared in front of me.

"Make that one other organism," Stark stated.

I strode forward. "What are you doing here?" I demanded.

He shrugged. "I already figured Loki out, so there was nothing of interest at the flat." He turned to the trio behind me, eyes shining as he deduced their entire lives.

I called his attention back to myself with a flick right between the eyes. "So you left John alone with Loki? You know he's scared of him!"

"Human form?"

"Not anymore." I turned into a more powerful vampire form than before. "Now I have to protect your human behind, seeing as you don't even have enough power left to change form." He didn't respond. "You knew you would be stuck here! Do you want to get shot again?" He ignored me and walked over to Stark to examine the data.

I took a deep breath to steady myself. This headache and my weakness was giving me a very short temper. Even shifting form was exhausting, and that just irritated me more. "Ms. Potts, when did 'girlfriend' become a synonym for babysitter?"

"Just in time for us," she replied.

"Piper, you never told me we emitted a unique wavelength!" Sherlock exclaimed. "Of course, you wouldn't know." _I bet Azura knows. I'm going to have a long talk with her._ "Can we mask this? A two-year-old could detect us. Come look at this!"

"It really is amazing!" Stark added.

"Sherlock, you know I can't read that."

"It's a simple graph and data stream."

"Simple if you went to college! Someone was too busy to do that!"

"I apologize; Piper can be quite testy when in a weakened state."

"I hate you."

Before the argument could continue, three S.H.I.E.L.D. helicopters arrived. They were way faster than normal helicopters. _I hate technology._ Captain America jumped down from one of the helicopters and began to shoot. I ran forward and bent his gun in half. He attempted to hit me with his shield, but I used my vampire speed to dodge it, pressing pressure points. In seconds, Captain America was on the ground, and Sherlock was tucked between myself and the famous round shield.

Nick Fury's voice emerged from over the sound of the helicopters. "You are surrounded. Surrender now or we will open fire."

"I only ever intended to come peacefully!" I shouted. I stepped away from Sherlock, hands up. "Stay low!" I instructed him.

A helicopter landed and Nick Fury jumped out, Hawk Eye and Black Widow right behind him. "It's not every day an intergalactic criminal turns herself in," Fury noted. "What's the trick?"

"Funny, I always thought she was an inter-dimensional heroine," Sherlock commented from beside me. _So much for staying low._

"I said 'intergalactic,'" Fury said to Sherlock.

"I know."

I elbowed Sherlock in the ribs. "There's no trick. We're just here to talk."

・ ・ ・

Sherlock and I stood in a detaining cell in the S.H.I.E.L.D. heli-hover-carrier-base thing. _I hate technology!_ How did they fix it so quickly? And why did these idiots bring more supposed villains to their base? Didn't they learn?

I held up my hands. "Are these really necessary?" I was referring to the crazy, complicated, irritating handcuffs that had been fastened around Sherlock's and my wrists. _I. Hate. Technology._ I had given up on staying in my vampire form; the handcuffs were somehow too strong.

"Yes," Banner answered with confidence and a hint of fear. Well, I _did_ cause the Hulk to revert. The entire team of Avengers, Agent Caulson, and Nick Fury were all assembled in front of the cell. Stark was the only one looking on without a look of hatred in his eyes.

I looked up at Sherlock from my place on the floor. Why stand when you can sit? It's not like I was going anywhere. _I really should have come once I had completely recovered._ "Remember all those times I talked about how amazing and admirable humans are, with their faith in the future, innovative minds, and readiness to embrace the new?"

"Yeah, you sounded irritatingly like the Doctor."

"Well, I was wrong."

"Shut your trap and answer my questions!" Fury snapped.

"She can't answer your questions without speaking," Sherlock replied smartly.

"Sherlock, you're hardly in the position to irritate him."

"You shouldn't have let them lock us up, then."

"That's it! Loki gets your coat!"

The Diepatch interrupted our arguing. "Stop stalling!" Wow. Fury was really upset. I decided to respond before he came up with some kind of torture suitable to the nickname I gave him.

"I told you this already. Loki's in a different dimension where you can't get him. Yes, we're immortal. No, some of the older Asgardians _have_ heard of me. Yes, Loki _was _really compelled. Yes, there is a larger evil force out there. I'm on _your_ side here. Does that answer all of your questions?"

"Not truthfully."

Sherlock glared. "When I get out of here—"

"You're not in a position!" I reminded him. I turned back to Fury. "I don't really have the evidence to support Loki, but if you would send Thor to talk to Oden, he could vouch for me. And there should be footage proving that I was helping you during the battle somewhere, from security tapes or ATMs or something. You know no one died in that battle. Who do you think ensured that? The team was all busy."

Hawk Eye nodded toward my cellmate. "And what about this man that calls himself 'Sherlock'. Is that supposed to be a hero name, or something?"

Uh, oh. Don't insult Sherlock's name. "That's my real name," he growled.

"So your parents like detective stories?"

"I'm a _consulting_ detective, you oaf." Another chord was struck. This guy had a knack for it.

"Can we just get back to the point? We're good guys. We have proof. Please look."

"What makes you think my father knows who you are?" Thor asked.

It was my turn to get irritated. "I don't think, I know! He knows who I am, because even 'gods' like yourselves have myths about higher beings. He didn't tell you about me because he doesn't want to look weak."

"You're speaking from a cell." I don't even know who was speaking at this point. I was weak, tired, and _very _irritable. I did _not_ have to deal with this.

"Sherlock, I'm through with this! This is _not _in my job description. As soon as my power is back we're gone!" I glared at the congregation. "When you gaggle of pretentious blockheads are ready to listen, I'll come back to speak with you. Until then, leave." I leaned my head against the back wall and closed my eyes, trying to tune everything out.

_You're acting like a child, _Sherlock spoke in my mind.

_Only because I need a nap to sleep off the massive headache these numskulls are giving me._

_Well, you're not going to get it here._

_Not if they keep yapping! Make them go away._

_I can't._

_How am I supposed to regain my strength if I have to deal with them?_

_You just realized that?_

_Yeah . . . ._

_Fine. _I _have an actual plan._

_Really?_

_If you turn into a vampire and drink some of my blood, you should have enough strength to take us home._

"No!" Whoopsie, that was out loud.

"We're definitely missing a mental conversation," Black Widow commented.

"The energy readings support that," Banner said, looking at a data stream with Stark.

"We should separate them," Caulson noted.

"No way! He stays with me!" I stood and turned to face Sherlock. "Fine," I muttered. I turned back into a vampire.

"It spiked!" Banner shouted.

This was going to be awkward, and I wasn't referring to the notion of having an audience. The handcuffs were quite bulky, and we were cuffed in front, so they could see our hands. I slid my arms over Sherlock's head, locking him in a strange embrace. I stood on tip-toe to better reach his throat. _Stop clenching your jaw. _Obeying, he relaxed.

"What are they doing?" someone exclaimed as Stark shouted, "Vampire form!"


End file.
